October, the month of candy, dress up and Fall getting more crisp. Also the month our first son was born, and possibly our 2nd. October, brings in the holiday season rush.
Last October was our first without Michael, this is our second. Can’t say it’s easy, can’t say it’s hard either. It just is. The memories come back, the hospital stay for me, and for him. The NICU, and my c-section scar. It’s memories, but not necessarily painful ones now. I can laugh and smile as I remember. I can giggle at the videos of our feisty little fighter.
This year we had thought about how to celebrate that day he came to us. But all those plans are now not possible, due to my bed rest. We’ll have to plan something special that can be done at home.
As I am walking this path, I’ve met others who’ve lost their precious little babys too soon. I hurt for them, wishing that they didn’t have to know this loss. I wish I could reach through the screen or distance and give them a knowing hug. Losing an infant will never make sense, while on this planet. But I seek God’s face every time I hear of another one gone. I don’t know why, but I know the Creator. I don’t know why, but I know His plan is perfect. For now…that gives me comfort. Until I can get to heaven and hold my Michael again, God is holding my scarred heart and allowing it to heal.
October is also Infant Loss and Awareness month.
If you have lost a child, or know someone who has, share their story with me here. Remember them as I remember my son and others who’ve gone too soon.
In His Hands,