As I sit here holding you

I remember another baby blue

As I sit here tickling you

I remember another giggle

As I look back on those days

I remember the deep, un-ending grief

As I flip through picture books

I’m surprised at what I forgot

Those days are not all that define me

Those days are not my whole life

With each passing day and hour

My grief morphs with each breath

My grief is not the oppression it once was

Now it’s a vague murmur in the background

Which leaps up from time to time

To remind me that one or two are missing

I have my joy back

I have my peace back

My arms are not empty anymore

Truely, God is good

In times bad


In times good



Simple Traditions

During this time of year, we all give more thought to the traditions that are passed down to the next generations. My family is no different. Some of ours are simple and slightly odd (maybe) but they are fun:

Helping Grandma decorate her tree and making candy or cookies

Go look at Christmas lights

Buy an ornament for the youngest

Make a fun egg omelet for Christmas morning, and whomever gets the walnut is the first to open gifts


And some new ones:

Gingerbread houses

Town Square lighting

Christmas at The Heights (our church has an amazingly fun and great celebration!)

Cookie Exchange


But in all of that, the most important thing is this…

Quality time with those we love.

No matter what the traditions are, or where they take us, we spend time with family and loved ones. To me, that is the whole point of this season. The hospitality, the generosity, the warm and fuzzy feelings we all get. The memories are what I remember from growing up, not the gifts.

What are your family traditions? Have you started any new ones after getting married, and having children? Please share them, I might just incorporate them next year!


In His Hands,


Being A Mom


Sleepless nights

Endless diaper changes

Spit up perfume

Having your heart walk around on the outside of your body

Juggling 101 things at once

Being the Boo Boo kisser, nose wiper extraordinaire and the biggest fan.

I wouldn’t miss this for anything.ย  Children grow so fast, that it’s mind blowing! Hurry up and get those pictures, parents…these moments do not last long.

After losing Mickey, every moment with J is treasured, mentally stored away and usually documented with pictures and video. I think J will think Mommy’s face is a camera lens!!!

Enjoy your children, even the moments when you want to pull your hair out, and can’t figure out what’s wrong…being a parent is a gift not to be taken advantage of or shrugged away.

Enjoy this holiday season with your families and children. Take those small moments to hug and kiss those you love. It’s those memories that’ll last, not that they got the hottest new toy or game.

In His Hands,


Wanting to Write, But…

I have been meaning to blog for some time now.


I really have.


But every time I decide to open my blog up to tap away at my keys…Jeremiah demands my attention. He’s a cheeky fella, and loves the faces Mommy makes. I think he secretly love his Mommy’s kisses too, even though he makes funny faces when I do!

I’m enjoying my time with him, seeing his faces, getting to know his little personality. I can’t wait to see what sticks around and see how opinionated he will be. Because, as my son, I’m 100% sure he will be full of thoughts and opinions on everything. ๐Ÿ™‚

Doesn’t he look like he’s got something to say, already?! ๐Ÿ™‚

I do have more to say, but I am being summoned by J!!


In His hands,



Living With Hope not Fear

We can also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance,

and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope.

Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out

within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

This pregnancy has been a practice of faith and trust in God, from the very beginning. It continues to be so now. Lemme tell you why…

My blood pressure has started to do wonky things, like being higher than we’d like. It’s no longer a cuff issue, as at home we get the same numbers the Dr. office and hospital have been getting. So now, all MY plans are tossed out and I’m on my knees in prayer to keep Jeremiah in until 36-37wks. I pray for His peace every day, many times a day. I KNOW He has a perfect plan. I’ve been praying to know that plan, and submit my heart and mind to it. The last place I want to be is outside the plan. He has been faithful to us up til now, He will continue to do so.

So now, our thoughts are on being prepared every week for it to be THE week we meet Jeremiah. It’s a practice in faith, trust and peace. We have thought about the outcome, talked about how we’d handle the details, all the while pouring out our fears and hopes at His feet, and receiving grace and peace in return.

We have also been dealing with the emotional fallout of this birth being similar to Michaels. All the fears of the unknown, yet known are present. No way around them, but to again lay them at His feet, over and over again until they stay there.

Many thoughts come back to me, in this time. Who am I that I might have special treatment? Who are we to expect a pain free, fear free life while here? What have I done, that is special enough to grant me ease all the days of my life?


Not one thing.


I have hope. I’m reminded again and again that I have hope. I have a God who is much bigger, and much more than I can imagine. I trusted Him in those days after Michael. I can trust Him with Jeremiah now. Jeremiah is, after all, His child first. I’m just borrowing him for a time.

Nights are the hardest for me, it’s when my fears are unleashed and try to rob me of my precious little sleep. Last night, I poured out my fears to God, and suddenly felt so much peace and hope. I immediately feel asleep. While I’m not 100% rested this morning, I still feel the presence of God, the peace and hope He gave me.

With all my heart, I rejoice today, for the hope and peace I have in Christ. No matter the outcome, I will continue to rejoice in His mercy and love.

In His hands,





My Top 5 Must-Haves for Baby J

If you were to ask 10 different people, their top 5 must have baby items, you’d get 10 different answers.ย  So here’s my list of the important stuff!

1) You MUST have a place for baby to sleep, unless you’re bed-sharing. We’re not, so we’re getting theย  Arms Reach Mini Co-Sleeper Bassinet,

2) Next on the list is an Angel Care Monitor. With Michael, we had the simple sound monitors, but with this baby, we’re going with a sensor as well, even tho he’ll be IN our room with us.

3) We want baby to be safe on his first trip home, so we got this lovely, Graco Comfort Sport Convertible Car Seat.

4) With our next must-have, I had two stipulations. It had to be light, and it had to have REAL wheels. This one has it! And for added bonus, it’s SUPER easy to handle, one-handed! Baby Trend Expedition Jogger.

5) Last, but certainly not least, an infant carrier, that I can breastfeed in. Infantino Wrap N Tie Carrier.

We tried to make our list as minimalist as possible, but when you’re in baby mode, it’s hard to pass up cute this, or cute that. I think we managed pretty darn well, don’t you?! If I had to add anything else to my list it would be, Halo Sleep Sacks and California Baby toiletry items for baby.

What are your top 5 must haves for baby? What is most important to you?

Please share in the comments below!


Preparing for Birthing

Preparing for birthing, known as labor, doesn’t begin with the first surges, otherwise known as contractions. It doesn’t even begin when you get the positive home pregnancy test.ย  It starts sometime before, and isn’t fully realized until pregnancy happens. As I continue preparing for birthing, (labor), I realize something about myself. I am strong enough to do what needs be, when needs be. By searching the internet, I’ve found several craft projects to help me focus on the tasks at hand.

The first being, a ‘Labor Book‘, but I’ll call it, my Focus Book. Full of verses & quotes, pictures of inspiration & helpful imagery, I pray it helps me to remain calm, and focused. I pray the verses help remind me of where my true strength comes from, from God Himself.ย  I want to make mine small, so it’s more portable, and I can carry it with me in the last few weeks or month.

My next crafty idea, is to create a necklace, full of beads from friends whom I wish were near during the birthing, or who give me love and support when I’ve needed it. This necklace will be unusual, mis-matched, probably wild and bit fun. But I think it describes them, and myself, perfectly. I can’t wait to see what they get me! ๐Ÿ™‚

As I continue to make plans and figure things out, I enjoy each kick, movement and feeling I get from Baby J. Pregnancy is a road that I choose to enjoy, even in the uncomfortable, painful and unknown ways. God is in control of it, not me. I need to remind myself of that one, daily!


What did you do to prepare for pregnancy? I’d love to know!