Angry

I interrupt the scheduled posts for an, I need to purge emotions post.

Disclaimer: It’s going to be a raw post I think so if you don’t want to read my feelings, then please just pray for me and stop here, thank you.

 

Anger.

Its one of the processes of grief that must be dealt with. But I’ve been holding back, clamping down on and stifling it. My anger scares me, I know how bad it can be. To lose control in a way that could hurt someone…to be so mad all you see is red (or black). I’ve only felt that way once in my life, and I’ve managed to keep it at bay since then.

 

But I can feel it…lurking. Waiting.

It’s tentacles slowing wrapping around my heart, my mind and my mouth. I can feel the emotions rise at the drop of hat, over everyday things.  I jump down the throats of those I love.

I wanted to punch my car today.  Several times.

I wanted to ram my fist into a wall. Preferably brick so it would hurt more than the pain inside me did.

I just want my oldest son back and my Dad…I miss them so much.

I’m angry they aren’t here.

I’m pissed I have to learn how to live without them.

I mad that I can’t show them J, that we can’t do stuff as a whole family.

I skivved that my Dad isn’t here to be all heart-melty over J.

 

I’m angry.

And I’m scared.

I’m sad.

And I’m heart broken.

 

 

I wasn’t going to…but here it is – 2012 Goals!

I wasn’t going to join the Goal club, but I in the end, couldn’t resist writing out a few of my 2012 goals.

In no particular order:

1. Blog/write more frequently

2. Be more active and become fit

3. Organize our home so that everything has a place

4. Make, follow and stick to a budget

5. Work on loving Christs way, starting at home with my family

6. Study my Bible daily

7. Make a dent in our debt

8. Making my Scentsy business pay for itself and then some

9. Keep up on Jeremiah’s scrapbook

10. Make great memories!

Some of those are frivolous, some are not. Every list should have some fun, frivolous type ‘To Dos’ on it!!!

What is on your list?!

In His Hands,

Peggy

PS. I thought of a few more!

Take more photographs

Take my camera with me everywhere

Make something from my pinterest weekly!

Things I’ve learned from 2011

The things I’ve learned from 2011, could also be said to have been learned from 2010. So here goes:

God is in control

I can handle a lot more than I thought…only because God is my strength

Family and true friends are priceless

Be thankful, even in grief

Sometimes, when confronted with a mirror, I’m surprised at what/who I’ve become

Having faith is an action, not a lofty thought

Life is way too short to hold grudges

Life is also too short to not forgive our ‘enemies’

All our best plans, pale in comparison to Gods perfect ones

Learning to let go takes more faith than holding on

What are somethings you’ve learned in 2011?! I’d love to know.

In His Hands,

Peggy

I Need More Hands!

Sorry for the random type posts lately! It’s hard to blog/write one handed…I have a lil tag-a-long named Jeremiah! He loves to be held, but doesn’t love the Moby wrap, it doesn’t let him move and wiggle like a worm.

I have missed writing, and have many ideas for posts, but haven’t been able to sit down and write them out!

(Right now, he just woke up screaming! Will put this on hold, be back soon! Wheeeeewww…I laid him down, thinking he was hungry, and he passed out in the bouncer!)

I think the best idea I’ve had, is to budget time to write. Just an hour a day, an hour that Daddy gets to take care of lil J-man for me!!! Woohooo, I’m good!

 

Okay this is SUCH a randomly weird post, hope your day is going well!!!

 

My Grandma and QE2

Both joined the military to help support their countries during WWII

Both had/have a taste for photography

Both loved/love the outdoors

Both had wherewithall too take care of their families.

 

I’m honored to call one Grandma and I’m ‘sad’ to say I’m slightly…moderately…marginally….sorta kinda….obsessed with the other and her family.

A New Year, A New Outlook

Last year this time, I was praying that 2011 would be a calmer year, less stressful on me and my loved ones.

The loss of my Dad blew that right out of the water. With his passing, it’s been a rough year. I haven’t blogged much about him, but I miss him just as much as I miss my son.

 

So for 2012?

I’m just going to say bring it on.

Batten down the hatches.

Hold on for dear life.

Que sera sera.

The Lord will strengthen me and mine.

We’ve got a few things on the horizon for 2012 that promise to make it another long and rough year. But we will make it, just as we’ve survived the past two years. By the grace of God!

We’re blessed even through our losses, but sometimes I’d like to skip the loss, thankyouvermuch!

I’ll be blogging more often, I hope! I have plans for our home and family, things that are worthy to share!

I’m looking forward to a new year! What are your thoughts about 2011 and the coming 2012??

In His Hands,

Peggy

Cleaning, because I was completely, and utterly WIGGED out!

My house is small, and has very little storage and nothing outside for outside things. So that means…we have things that float around the house with no permanent home.  It adds to the clutter and messy look.

Which drives. Me. Nutts.

So, today…after reading a few blogs on organizing and de-cluttering, I was inspired to clean! To toss. To minimize! So here’s today’s tally from the cleaning results:

4 large bags of trash

No picture of this, I tossed them as we filled them!

2 bags to go to Goodwill

Main closet has room for guests coats, shoes and purses

No picture of this either!

Hall closet is now organized and child friendly (medications on upper shelves)

Bathroom organized

Kitchen organized (90%, still have 10% left)

I was thinking that I’m pretty darn smart, to use this tension rod to hold our paper towels, but I’m sure somewhere in the blogosphere, someone has thought of it!

I also need to get some fabric and make a curtain for the bookcase-turned-pantry.

After all of that work, we rested. And then I felt inspired to make something in my newly organized kitchen!

Ta-Da!!!!!!!!!!!!

And a close up one, to make you drool!

I have NO idea what to call these…it’s Pillsbury Crescent rolls, with Andie’s Mints in the middle, rolled in cinnamon sugar and baked. It’s good stuff!!!!

So, that was our day! It’s good to purge, clean and put things in their place.

What do you need to do in your house? How do you get inventive with ways to clean, organize and such??

In His Hands,

Peggy